WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATULATIONS KIM SMITH!
I am delighted to welcome historical author Emily Bryan with a fabulous and helpful post on how to hook your reader (read agent, editor) from the get-go. I discovered Emily by reading her Distracting the Duchess, a really light and sexy Regency and I have been addicted to her writing since then. I WANT (NEED) a copy of A CHRISMAS BALL.
So please comment for your chance to win, and if not, like myself, you can buy your own autographed copy 10% off at The Book Oasis.
Emily Bryan short bio:
Almost everything Emily knows about storytelling, she learned from singing. A classically trained soprano, she describes her light-hearted historicals as “Gilbert & Sullivan . . . with sex!” Emily and her DH have lived in 9 different states, 4 time zones, but they now call New England home.
6 Reasons Why an Editor Stops Reading
Last summer, I moderated an editor panel at RWA Nationals. I was assigned to read the start of several dozen participants’ submission, stopping when the editors signaled me. Very few made it to the second page. Then the editors explained why they stopped me and remarkably enough, many of the same mistakes kept cropping up in the manuscripts. I’d like to share some of those red flags with you now.
- Lackluster first sentence—The beginning of your novel should grab your reader and not let go. In one dynamic sentence you must set the tone of the work, raise a question and drop your readers headfirst into your story. A tall order, but an essential one. (BTW, if you start with the weather, you’d better be writing about a meteorologist!)
- Backstory dump—As writers, we know so many cool things about our characters, it’s tempting to spill it all. There is a place for backstory but it’s not at the beginning. DO NOT GIVE US A FLASHBACK IN THE SECOND PARAGRAPH. It pulls the reader out of the story before they’ve even gotten into it. Weave in only what’s essential for the reader to continue.
- No hooks—What a minute, I hear you saying. If they’re only reading the first few paragraphs, how can the editor get to the fabulous hook I’ve set on the last page? My point, exactly. Hook them with your title. Your first line. Set tantalizing tidbits that raise questions within your prose. It’ll drag the reader forward and MAKE her turn the page.
- Gratuitous head hopping—Don’t give the editor whiplash. Pick a POV character and stick with them for at least the duration of the first scene.
- Clichés—No heroine sitting before a mirror, describing herself to herself. No dark and stormy night. No nubs of any kind on a human body. Keep it real. Keep it fresh.
- Targeting the wrong editor—Study the market. Or better yet, make sure you have an agent who does. Nothing makes a worse impression than sending your zombie ménage to an editor who does mostly Amish romance (or vice-versa!) Editors have mountains of work and limited time. Don’t waste any of it if you don’t want to be remembered. And not in a good way.
Thanks so much for having me today, Marie-Claude. I hope this helps your readers. If it does, I’d like to invite you all over to my website emilybryan.com to check out my WRITE STUFF pages designed specifically for aspiring writers. While you’re there, please sign up for my newsletter, so you’ll never miss a moment! I’ll also be happy to take questions here today and make up an answer if I don’t know the right one, so please leave a comment or question!
Oh, and here’s my current release! A CHRISTMAS BALL, a holiday anthology with novellas from USA Today Bestseller Jennifer Ashley, Alissa Johnson and me. All of our characters are attending Lord Hartwell’s splendid Christmas Ball (even if several of mine don’t really have invitations!) Library Journal calls my story “Worthy of Shakespeare!” but what do they know? 
I’ll give a signed copy to someone who leaves a comment or question today (I’m not above bribery!)
So, let’s get the discussion going. When you look at your current WIP, do you recognize any of the red flags?
Great advice, Emily! I especially like the bit about the weather. LOL.
Thanks for hosting one of OUR favorite author’s Marie-Claude.
LOL. I just typed ‘Marie-Clause’. Think I have Santa on the brain?
Ash
Great post, Emily, and so true! I always try to come up with a good “tag line” for my opening chapter or prologue. I agonize over them, but if it catches a reader’s attention and compels him or her to keep reading, it’s worth the time!
LOL! Thanks for stopping by, Ash! (She’s my fabulous critique partner, so she almost had to!)
Excellent post, ladies. Bravo. Very helpful and I totally agree.
I’m in RWA with ya, WI chapter.
xo
Cynthia–That first line is sooooo critical. So much has to be packed into it. We must surprise and delight and raise questions in our readers’ minds. And it doesn’t have to be a long sentence. Consider the opening to Moby Dick.
“Call me Ishmael.”
With those 3 little words, we know our narrator is hiding his true self, while identifying himself with an outcast (Abraham’s rejected son). And choosing such an obvious biblical name means this is a story of biblical proportions with serious and difficult themes.
Or Nora Robert’s Carolina Moon:
“She woke in the body of a dead friend.”
We know right away this isn’t going to be just any suspense story. The heroine’s paranormal gift is introduced immediately and with a punch to the gut.
And at the risk of seeming self-serving, consider my own DISTRACTING THE DUCHESS.
“I’m going to have to shorten his willie.”
It raises an immediate quesiton in the readers mind. Is the heroine a Victorian Elaina Bobbit? In the next sentence the reader learns she’s an artist, concerned only with proportion. And with that sleight of hand, my light-hearted romp is off and running.
It’s hard to over-emphasize the importance of first lines. We do well to agonize over them.
Kelly! Thanks for coming by. It’s snowing here in Boston today. Think you may be getting it in Wisconsin too.
Hi, Emily!
“The Write Stuff” — Ooh, you certainly know how to win the heart of a former fighter pilot! Awesome tips. Your home page will make a great reference bookmark for all aspiring writers.
Thanks for coming! –John
I’ve actually learned quite a bit about “backstory dump” by writing category. I always thought category authors dump WAAAAYYYY too much at the beginning, and yes, sometimes that’s still true. But what I’ve learned is that writers need to center the “type” of hero and heroine right away. I actually put in “The bad-boy of the Forbidden City” when introducing my hero in The Concubine. The trick, I discovered, is compressing the backstory into one line very early. That gives the “type” of hero/heroine and then expand on it as the book progresses. And if you can get the central character conflict in one line too, all the better. Hard, but that’s why they pay us the…um…buck…or two.
Truly, writing for category has been quite an education in a very good way for me!
I always have trouble with first lines. Sometimes it changes all the way up to The End.
I didn’t start the flashback until the 7th paragraph. Or I didn’t, until my critical reader corrected me. Then I completely rewrote the beginning, and put the flashback later. Much later.
I still haven’t found a good first line. Then again, the story is nowhere near ready to submit either.
John–Fighter pilot, huh? My DH would love to bend your ear. He’s a private pilot and we’ve had so much fun in a Cessna 182 it should be illegal.
Wait a minute. That didn’t sound very good. I meant we really enjoy flying.
Good luck with your writing and thanks for bookmarking my website!
Hi Emily!
Thank you for the great post. I love the simplicity of it. Great points, and they are such glaring reasons any of us would start to read and immediately have the book turn into a wall banger!
The Write Stuff is marked in my favorites. I am forever returning to utilize the great material there and highly recommend it to any writer. Of course if you had a little tab that could train me to be a better speller (Oh its sooo bad) then I’d be on cloud nine!
I’ll have my own copy of ACB soon, and I cannot wait.
Best~
Jade–I can see where writing category would be an education in meeting reader expectations. It’s all about giving them what they want.
Thanks for sharing. You know, your experience would make for a great workshop!
Emily, I agree with everything you said. I’m starting The Christmas Ball tonight. Your story comes first. Right? Wink!
Kim–It’s ok to change your first lines over and over until you get it to perform its functions:
1. Setting the tone of the book
2. Raise questions that propel the reader forward
3. Drop your reader into the action and let them catch up later.
Sewick–I have a page on Self-editing that’ll help you polish up your prose once you’ve typed “the End.”
Candi–My DH says any intelligent person can think of 2 or 3 good ways to spell anything. However, spellcheck is my friend!
Your experience writing a novel in 500 word snippets for the Best Celler Contest (the read is delivered to cell phones in short installments) ought to be good training for making every word count and for scattering hooks throughout the story.
Sandy–Yes, My Lady Below Stairs is the first novella in A CHRISTMAS BALL. Hope you love it!
LOL Emily, I like the way your hubby thinks, but my three ways aren’t always legible! Thank goodness for those oustanding crit partners. And I should own stock in the spellcheck programs…
And the 500 words increments is an amazing way to edit. You really have to work on flow after the story is done… You can imagine how choppy it can get when written in such short snippets, but breaking my new WIPs down to smaller chunks is definitely a new tool that is very effective.
Wonderful article. And as a reader, those are all the same reasons why I’d not push past the first chapter. Great insight.
Emily — LOL! I’d wondered if you and DH were previous military with all the moves. I could talk on and on about flying. And you can’t tempt me with innuendo…my mind is already there. Just ask my three wonderful WPs how much they’ve had to put up with. But remember, it doesn’t count ’til six-thousand feet MSL… That a mile high.
Lynda–That’s a great way to think of it. If I were a reader, would I read on?
The problem is that we’re so invested in our story, of course, we’d read on. That’s why it’s so important to have a critique partner or beta reader (Not my DH. Someone who wants to continue to sleep with me cannot be counted upon to render an impartial opinion!)
John’s comment got me thinking about flying. My DH learned to fly at Heber, UTAH, elevation 5595 ft. Mountain flying was sometimes hair-raising, but always breathtaking. We flew up through the passes of the Wasatch, up to Yellowstone Park, over the Craters of the Moon in Idaho–I could go on.
But one of the loveliest things we saw from the air was little heart-shaped lake high in the Cascades. No joke. It was shaped like a heart. It was so remote, no roads in or out that we could see, I doubt many people knew it was there. But I’ll always remember it.
When we write, our goal should be to show our readers something they haven’t seen before, something they’ll never see unless we show them. That’s the passion and freshness that makes readers (and editors!) keep turning pages.
Hi Emily,
Regarding hooks, I’ve heard some authors say that you should have one hook in your opening paragraph, one at the end of the first page and one at the third page. Then for the rest of the novel, you have one at the beginning of the chapter/scene and one at the end.
What’s your take on this?
Kind Regards,
Kristine
Good question, Kristine. I think it depends on what you mean by a hook.
Anything that raises a question in the reader’s mind, that makes them want to discover more, is a hook. As such, I believe our prose should be liberally sprinkled with them. Read a little of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code and you’ll see what I mean. He drops little info bomblets and goes on without explanation. He teases the reader with just enough to whet their appetite. In effect, he’s creating a path through his prose that he draws his reader through.
Mary Higgins Clark is a master of hooking as well. I always have to stop reading mid-chapter (and she writes short chapters!) because if I get to the end of one, she’ll hook me into the next.
I resist the formulaic hook strategy you outline above unless it naturally fits with your story. I recommend hooking everywhere you can.
Hi, Emily,
Great points! This post is going into my keeper file so I can refer to it when I revise. I think my biggest fear when I write – especially given today’s instant gratification climate – is that the first line will be, as you put it, lackluster and the agent or editor won’t want to read beyond it. Consequently, I spend too much time trying to come up with the best first line, after which, everything just seems to flow – like when you finally pop the cork on a bottle of champagne. Do you have any suggestions for me about how not to get hung up on the first line so I can get into the flow?
Margay
The lovely thing about writing is that until the galley finally leaves the author’s hands headed for the printer, things can be changed.
When I was in college, I took one creative writing course and my wise professor said the best thing to do to get started is type “The” and then put something after it. Whatever first line you start with doesn’t have to be the one you end up with. Some writers realize that their story actually starts on page 30 and they’ve been clearing their throat before that. Once they cut to the right place to start, the first sentence takes care of itself.
Well said, Emily! Book research is invaluable, but (no matter who, when, what or where) when we have the opportunity to convey imagery, sensation, and emotions by way of live’s experiences — for a writer, I think it reveals itself in a perspective, voice, and style that’s fresh and unique.
I know what you mean by “hair-raising.” When I take my wife up in light aircraft, it has to be a clear, calm day. It’s either that or suffer a death-grip on my arm that constricts bloodflow.
Hi Emily
So glad to have you
So many great advices here.
I have to say that my problem is #2. At least in my first version of Ancient Whispers (Nothing to make you wised up as fast as your editor saying get it out once and move on!)
I’m also bad with too miuch boring details at the beginning, explaining why they are there, getting out of the car, chit-chatting, getting into the house, stuff like that.
It took me a while (and Leah cutting 30 pages of my first 3 chapters LOL) to realize that the reader is not lost at all if all the mondaine details are not there. In fact it’s so much better to keep the meaty stuff and leave the rest behind!
Margay and just to echo what Emily has said (and I’m sure she’ll have more great advice for you!)
I always start with a hook. But usually my hook is buried down a paragraph or two on my first draft.
So I just write away, then after, I go back and look for a better line in the paragraph and put that first.
, then follow up up with the rest even is I have to explain something that happen before a little.
Like:
“I’m pregnant” She stared at him with anxiety.
They had been sitting in the cafe for while after having gone to the gym and the whole time she’d been worried about hitting him with the news.
Instead of describing the whole thing, then having her say she’s pregnant.
ok that’s really bad writing and loosely stolen from James Scott Bell new book “The Art of War for Writer” but you get the idea LOL
Can someone refresh my mind with the Nora Roberts quote? The one about written pages can be fixed but not unwritten one?
I’m a big fixer!
I can add one; don’t start in the middle of a battle scene—at least not a graphic battle scene.
Yes, they see why you did it, but couldn’t you . . .
You get the picture. Squeamish bunch, editors. LOL
Emily,
I just had to laugh at your first line for Distracting the Duchess.
I have to say that the beginning of this book is just one hook after another (in an awesome way) by that I mean I just couldn’t put it down and the premise was just so cool and yummy, so addictive!
Hi Emily! Uh… do we really WANT to admit that we’ve committed the cardinal sins you point out?
OK. I’m a backstory dumper (and now I feel like I’m at an AA meeting!). Best piece of advice I ever got was from Hilary Sares, who echoes what you have to say. She said that new writers frequently don’t begin their books with the actual story (just lots of info dump) and so she’ll skip ahead a couple of chapters if she’s losing interest, just to see if that’s the issue. I’ve learned to let myself write the “bad” opening chapters– and then go back and ruthlessly cut them. It’s a flaw I see in the RWA chapter contests I’ve judged as well.
A Christmas Ball is on my TBR pile. I bought it for my daughter, who read and enjoyed all three stories and passed the book right back to me.
LOL. I was re-reading one of my stories the other day and realized I was so deep in the hero’s mind that probably the only person who would understand what was going on there was the hero himself (or me). I think there’s such a thing as TOO deep POV.
Thanks for an enjoyable post with useful reminders…
Hi M-C! Thanks again for having me here today!
You have plenty of company. I think almost every writer struggles with backstory dumping. This fictive world we’ve created is so cool, we can’t wait to tell all we know about it.
Perhaps it’s best to think of writing as a literary strip-tease. All will eventually be revealed, but until then, a reader’s imagination is our best asset! We keep them engaged by dropping little hooks along the way.
Thanks so much for your kind words about DISTRACTING THE DUCHESS, btw.
The Nora quote you’re thinking of is:
I can fix a bad page. I can’t fix a blank page.
Hi M-C! Thanks again for having me here today!
You have plenty of company. I think almost every writer struggles with backstory dumping. This fictive world we’ve created is so cool, we can’t wait to tell all we know about it.
Perhaps it’s best to think of writing as a literary strip-tease. All will eventually be revealed, but until then, a reader’s imagination is our best asset! We keep them engaged by dropping little hooks along the way.
Thanks so much for your kind words about DISTRACTING THE DUCHESS, btw.
The Nora quote you’re thinking of is:
“I can fix a bad page. I can’t fix a blank page.”
Gwynlyn–I can see why we wouldn’t start with a battle scene (or a sex scene either) because we don’t know the characters well enough to care what happens.
And yes, editors are human and as squeamish as the rest of us. One of the submissions I read during the course of that editor panel had a child dragging a garbage bag filled with the dismembered corpse of her mother. Yikes!
A thriller writer friend of mine calls that “gorn”–gore porn.
Yes, Anne, confession is good for the soul! I freely confess myself guilty on all 6 counts and more besides!
Admitting there’s a problem is the first step toward a cure.;-)
Barbara–I think it’s good to lay a manuscript aside for a bit once it’s finished. Long enough to get it out of your head. I always try to type “the end” a few weeks before its due, so it can rest for a while. Then before I send it in, I go through it again.
Distance sometimes gives us a better view of our work.
Glad to hear your daughter enjoyed A CHRISTMAS BALL. Hope you do too!
Thanks Emily for the 6 great reasons…. I will have to ck my book to see if I am making alot more booboos than I thought. LOL,,I really don’t need to ck..
I love Christmas Books and would love to add “A Christmas Ball” to my reading during cold months ahead.
Great post! I claim one naughty in my WIP.
I did have an info dump/flashback thing in the beginning, but then I moved chapter 4 to chapter 1 on the advice of my super talented beta.
I think I’m clear now.
Why is it so easy to see errors in someone else’s work and then when you look at your own, all you see is what was in your head and not what’s actually on the paper? *g*
Just got home. almost 7PM. Always glad to read what you have to say. I am learning.
Thanks.
Brenda–I have to check my work all the time!
Saranna–I’m a classically trained soprano and every time I hear a recording of my voice, I think “I don’t sound like that, do I?”
It’s because I hear the vibrations in my head as I sing as well as what comes through my ears. No one else hears me like I do.
Same thing for the writing. My mind fills in all the blanks, so I can’t see the holes. Not unless I really look hard for them.
Jan–Glad to hear from you and glad to help!
Great post, Emily!
Thanks!
Thanks, Lauri!
Hi Emily and M-C,
Though I may be too late for the contest (thanks to Daily Digest), I wanted to pop in and say hello. Great list, Emily, to know before writing and afterwards. Sometimes, things like ‘targeting the wrong editor’ might seem like common sense, but it’s amazing (from what I’ve read and heard) how many people overlook this crucial step. Thanks too for the helpful advice in your comments.
And you know I LOVE your first lines!
Julie
Former Blog Tourista
Hey Julie! Always good to hear from one of the touristas!
One of the reasons writers overlook it is because it takes a bit of digging to find out what an editor works on. You may have to go to the bookstore and read the acknowledgements in books similar to yours to see if they thanked their editor.
Well, thanks again, M-C. And thank you to everyone who left a comment. If you didn’t win a copy of A CHRISTMAS BALL, it’s still available at your favorite bookseller or you can enter my contest! for another chance at winning!
Happy Christmas all!
I never thought about that, Emily. Thanks.
Great tips! I try hard to not have any of those in wips now, but boy did I have them in the first manuscript I wrote. LOL! And I still mess up with POV sometimes, as well as giving a strong hook.
Congrats on book and thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Jessica, these are things I have to remind myself of with every new story. Maybe someday it will become second nature, but for now, I’m still hammering away on my craft.
I’m moving this party over to The Chatelaines today, where I’m sharing 6 MORE REASONS EDITORS STOP READING.
Hope to see you there!
I think I have the interesting lead sentence (started in the middle of the action); after sending my manuscript to 5 agents (and getting instant rejections), I dropped the prolouge with too much backstory; I researched agents to make sure I found ones who dealt with YA fantasy (and had published writers in that field under them) and sent my manuscript only to them. I think the problem i’m having in some of my chapters is head hopping (the main 3rd person character is one in a group of 6 teens). That’s one of the things I’m looking at as I revise it, and I’m watching to make sure I stay on POV while I write the second book in my series.
i never read it before! i like it…..