‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – the Remix

Song of the Day: Christmas / Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Twinkle, Twinkle

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even my computer mouse;

The pc screen glowed blank
With all creativity ka-put,
My Muse took a holiday
From inspiring my book;

The NaNo craze had ended
I’m in edits knee deep,
While visions of ‘the end’
Dance out of reach;

Exhausted from writer’s block,
And with my sleep mask,
I had just curled in bed
For a short cat nap;

When out on the street
There arose such a thunder,
I sprang from my bed
To see what was the rumble.

Aren't I a cutie?

Away to the window
In bunny slippers I sprang,
I stumbled and tripped
And drew back the drape.

The vapor lamps casting pools
Of pale light on the street
Gave the luster of mystery
To objects beneath,

When, what to my wondering eyes
Caught my sight,
But a red ragtop muscle car,
And eight Harley bikes,

Well, hello there!

With a super hot driver
His disheveled hair swept
I knew in a moment
It must be Johnny Depp.

More handsome in person
His buds they came,
And I whistled and squealed
As he called them by name.

“Now Brad! Now Gerard!
Now Colin and Bradley!
On Ryan! On Daniel!
On Jude and Robert Downy!

To the edge of the curb!
To the end of the way!
Now pull over! Pull over!
Pull over here, I say!”

As the growl of engines
Revved and roared,
Testosterone oozed
From their very cores;

Oh, look. Mistletoe!

So up to my house
The hotties they drove,
With Johnny in the lead
Of this dreamy treasure trove.

And then in an instant,
I heard them out front,
The back-slapping and laughing
Of each manly hunk.

As I wiped the drool
And raced to the den,
In sauntered Johnny
A true perfect Ten.

He was dressed all in leather
From his head to his boots
Just like Jack Sparrow
He was lip-smacking good.

A bundle of goodies
He had flung on his back,
And his t-shirt strained
Against a nice six-pack.

His eyes – how they seared!
His lips, how inviting!
His jaw line so strong,
His smirk too enticing!

Who? Me?

His russet goatee
Was trimmed just right
And his dark tousled hair
Gilded in the firelight;

The butt of a cigarette
He held tight in his teeth,
And he took off his jacket
And rolled up his sleeves;

Leather wristbands and tattoos,
And flawless firm rear,
Completing the package
All but brought me to tears.

He was lean and fit,
A right sexy heartbreaker,
And I fanned my face,
As ideas struck my story maker.

A wink of his eye
And I nearly swooned,
Naughty or nice?
My thoughts lampooned;

He spoke not a word
But went straight to his work,
And left festive presents
As I giggled and lurked,

Hark the hearld angels sing...

And smiling to me
My Muse had more than awaken,
And giving a nod,
Johnny left me a-quaking.

He hopped in his convertible,
Gave a whistle to his team,
And away they all drove,
Leaving me to scheme.

But I heard him exclaim
Ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas Writing to all.
And to all a good night.”

16 Responses to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – the Remix

  1. jeff7salter says:

    Loved it. Very well done.
    I like Depp also, though in quite different ways. Ha.

    Like

  2. jbrayweber says:

    Well he is quite…um…versatile. LOL.

    Thanks, Jeff. Coming from a poet such as you, I’m humbled.

    Like

  3. Nina Cordoba says:

    Hahaha! Nice, Jenn! Why do I have the feeling you gave us the G-rated version of the ending, though?

    I’d like the director’s cut, please.

    Like

  4. jbrayweber says:

    HAHA! That would make for a much longer story, Nina. And I’d have to invite all of Santa’s (Johnny’s) helpers in.

    Like

  5. Shauna says:

    Super cute! You sharing those buds of his? I claim Gerard! 🙂

    Like

  6. jbrayweber says:

    Well…in the spirit of giving, I suppose I could share, Shauna. 😉

    Like

  7. Suzi Love says:

    Loved your poetry!
    Merry Christmas to everyone, and may 2012 be a fantastic year,
    Suzi

    Like

  8. jbrayweber says:

    Thank you so much, Suzi! May you have a healthy and prosperous new year, as well.

    Like

  9. jbrayweber says:

    Thank you, Gwynlyn!

    Like

  10. This was wonderful, but I think I’ll stick to the original version when I read to the kids tonight. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  11. jbrayweber says:

    LOL. Probably a good idea, Ally! After all, this is not Willy Wonka we’re talking about. Ha!

    Like

  12. Loved it as much this year as I did last year…..hmmmm Johnny and Gerard……I don’t think I’d share a single morsel!!!

    Like

  13. jbrayweber says:

    Stingy! HAHAHA! Happy Holidays!

    Like

  14. Sharla Rae says:

    Loved this! Thanks for the smile.

    Like

  15. jbrayweber says:

    Thank you, Sharla, for stopping by!

    Like

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