‘Twas The Night Before Christmas – 2014 Edition

Song of the Day: Christmas / Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Updated for your reading pleasure, I give you my annual rendition of the classic The Night Before Christmas. Enjoy!

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas


‘Twas the night before Christmas,

When all through the house

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even my wireless mouse;


The laptop glowed blank

With all creativity ka-put,

My Muse took a holiday

From inspiring my book;


The NaNo craze had ended

I’m in edits neck-deep,

While visions of “the end”

Dance out of reach;


Exhausted from writer’s block,

And with my satin sleep mask,

I had just curled into bed

For a short cat nap;



You say that like it’s a bad thing.

When out on the street

There arose such a thunder,

I sprang from my bed

To see what was the rumble.


Away to the window

In fuzzy slippers I sprang,

I stumbled and tripped

And drew back the drape.


The vapor lamps casting pools

Of pale light on the street

Gave the luster of mystery

To objects beneath,


When, what to my wondering eyes

Caught my sight,

But a red ragtop muscle car,

And eight Harley bikes,


With a super hot driver

His disheveled hair swept

I knew in a moment

It must be Johnny Depp.


More handsome in person

His buds they came,

And I whistled and squealed

As he called them by name.


“Now Bradley! Now Gosling!

Now Downy Jr. and Tatum!

On Hunnam! On Hemsworth!

On Franco and Beckham!


To the edge of the curb!

To the end of the way!

Now pull over! Pull over!

Pull over here, I say!”


As the growl of engines

Revved and roared,

Testosterone oozed

From their very cores;


dear santa bad boys

Yes, please!

So up to my house

The hotties they drove,

With Johnny in the lead

Of this tasty treasure trove.


And then in an instant,

I heard them out front,

The back-slapping and laughing

Of each manly hunk.


As I wiped the drool

And raced to the den,

In sauntered Johnny

A true perfect Ten.


He was dressed all in leather

From his head to his boots

Just like in my dreams

He was lip-smacking good.


A bundle of goodies

He’d flung on his shoulder,

With his smooth swagger

He simmered and smoldered.



Ho! Ho! Ho!

His eyes – how they seared!

His lips, how inviting!

His jaw line so strong,

His smirk too enticing!


His russet goatee

Was trimmed just right

And his dark tousled hair

Gilded in the firelight;


The butt of a cigarette

He held tight in his teeth,

And he took off his jacket

And rolled up his sleeves;


Leather wristbands and tattoos,

And flawless firm rear,

Completing the package

All but brought me to tears.


He was lean and fit,

A right sexy heartbreaker,

And I fanned my face,

As ideas struck my story-maker.


A wink of his eye

And I nearly swooned,

Naughty or nice?

My thoughts lampooned;


He spoke not a word

But went straight to his work,

And left festive presents

As I giggled and lurked,


Johnny Musetracks

Johnny wishes you Happy Holidays!

And smiling to me

My Muse had more than awaken,

And giving a nod,

Johnny left me a-quaking.


He hopped in his convertible,

Gave a whistle to his team,

And away they all drove,

Leaving me to scheme.


But I heard him exclaim

Ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas Writing to all.

And to all a good night.”






7 Responses to ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas – 2014 Edition

  1. jeff7salter says:

    ho ho ho


  2. jbrayweber says:

    Always a pleasure having you around, Jeff.


  3. jeff7salter says:

    always enjoyable to visit you


  4. jeff7salter says:

    cool poem, by the way


  5. jbrayweber says:

    Thanks, by the way. 😉


  6. Marie says:

    Merry Christmas, Jennifer!


  7. jbrayweber says:

    Merry Christmas to you, too, Marie!


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