‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – 2012

Song of the Day: Christmas / Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Back by popular demand. I give you my rendition of the holiday classic ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. Enjoy.


‘Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even my computer mouse;

The pc screen glowed blank
With all creativity ka-put,
My Muse took a holiday
From inspiring my book;

The NaNo craze had ended
I’m in edits neck deep,
While visions of ‘the end’
Dance out of reach;


Jingle my bells

Exhausted from writer’s block,
And with my fuzzy sleep mask,
I had just curled in bed
For a short cat nap;

When out on the street
There arose such a thunder,
I sprang from my bed
To see what was the rumble.

Away to the window
In bunny slippers I sprang,
I stumbled and tripped
And drew back the drape.

The vapor lamps casting pools
Of pale light on the street
Gave the luster of mystery
To objects beneath,

When, what to my wondering eyes
Caught my sight,
But a red ragtop muscle car,
And eight Harley bikes,

With a super hot driver
His disheveled hair swept
I knew in a moment
It must be Johnny Depp.

More handsome in person
His buds they came,
And I whistled and squealed
As he called them by name.

RF Getty holiday hunk

A gift? For me? Oh, you mean the little box. Um…okay. That will work, too.

“Now Tatum! Now Gerard!
Now Colin and Bradley!
On Hemsworth! On Daniel!
On Beckham and Robert Downy!

To the edge of the curb!
To the end of the way!
Now pull over! Pull over!
Pull over here, I say!”

As the growl of engines
Revved and roared,
Testosterone oozed
From their very cores;

So up to my house
The hotties they drove,
With Johnny in the lead
Of this dreamy treasure trove.

And then in an instant,
I heard them out front,
The back-slapping and laughing
Of each manly hunk.

As I wiped the drool
And raced to the den,
In sauntered Johnny
A true perfect Ten.

He was dressed all in leather
From his head to his boots
Just like Jack Sparrow
He was lip-smacking good.

A bundle of goodies
He had flung on his back,
And his t-shirt strained
Against a nice six-pack.

His eyes – how they seared!
His lips, how inviting!
His jaw line so strong,
His smirk too enticing!

RF xmas wait

Next year, I’m waiting up.

His russet goatee
Was trimmed just right
And his dark tousled hair
Gilded in the firelight;

The butt of a cigarette
He held tight in his teeth,
And he took off his jacket
And rolled up his sleeves;

Leather wristbands and tattoos,
And flawless firm rear,
Completing the package
All but brought me to tears.

He was lean and fit,
A right sexy heartbreaker,
And I fanned my face,
As ideas struck my story maker.

A wink of his eye
And I nearly swooned,
Naughty or nice?
My thoughts lampooned;

He spoke not a word
But went straight to his work,
And left festive presents
As I giggled and lurked,


Happy holidays, Sexy.

And smiling to me
My Muse had more than awaken,
And giving a nod,
Johnny left me a-quaking.

He hopped in his convertible,
Gave a whistle to his team,
And away they all drove,
Leaving me to scheme.

But I heard him exclaim
Ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas Writing to all.
And to all a good night.”

4 Responses to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – 2012

  1. Suzan Harden says:

    Thank you for the bonus Hump Day Hunks, Jenn! (Oh, and your poem was cute, too!)


  2. Too funny. Have a Merry Christmas.


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