MuseTracks Guest – Susan Muller – Payback is a Dog Named Lady

Boy, do we have a special treat for you today. Author Susan Muller, a total hoot and all around sweetheart, weaves a true tale that is certain to make you flinch and laugh. Without further ado…

Payback is a dog named Lady

By Susan Muller

Two weeks before Christmas, my best friend/back-fence neighbor/walking buddy was having a hard time. Her husband was ill and, to make matters worse, no one could figure out what was wrong with him.  After several trips to the hospital, she told the doctors to keep him until they knew what to do.

In an attempt to be a good friend, I suggested we go to Starbucks for coffee.  She couldn’t leave the house because she was waiting to hear from a doctor so I went to her house for tea instead. Now, I’m not allowed to have caffeine, and being the good friend that I am, I didn’t want her to feel bad when she didn’t have anything to offer me, so I took my own decaf tea bag.


She and her dog met me at the door. The dog, a large mixed breed, barked when I rang the bell, but now wagged his tail. They’d had some trouble with the dog in the past, but had recently had him “snipped and clipped,” and she had bragged several time about how much calmer and less aggressive he was.  HA!

I stepped inside, said “Hi, Rex,” let him smell my hand and turned to talk to my friend. With no warning growl, no raised hair, he lunged at me and grabbed my hand.  I’m not talking a playful nip. It was a full-out chomp. It took all her strength to wrestle him outside while I ran into her kitchen and got some ice.

“Do you need to go to the doctor?” she asked.

“No, no. I’m fine. It’s not even bleeding.”

“Um, yes it is,” And with that, an arc of blood shot about a foot across her kitchen sink. It looked like a water fountain, only red.

Many things were going through my mind simultaneously.  Oh look. I didn’t know it could do that. That’s not enough blood to bleed to death, is it? This can’t be good. And finally, I’ll bet she’s not thinking about her sick husband now.

We used paper towels, pressure, and an ice pack, but she thought I should go to the hospital. “Oh, no. I’ll be fine in a minute.” I was laughing, shaking, crying, shivering, all at the same time.

“We really need to check it,” she insisted.

Not on your life was I removing that pressure again. But she kept insisting and I lifted the paper towel wad.  Yep, still shooting blood like a miniature geyser. Maybe I did need to do something about it. I started to reach for my keys, but to do that I’d have to release the pressure. Okay, she could drive me home in my car.  Wait a minute.  I have cream colored leather seats. We went in her car.

Four hours and three stitches later, I was home from the ER. In the state of Texas, you have to report a dog bite, it’s the law.  I tried to fudge, but the police were at her house before the last stitch was in. I feel terrible about this, but they decided it would be best to put the dog down.  They have a two-year-old granddaughter and it was too dangerous to have an untrustworthy dog.  I’m so glad I could help out by being a test subject. (Actually, I am, but don’t tell her that.)

Today, my finger is fine. My horribly disfiguring scar is in the wrinkle of my knuckle and can only be seen if I bend my finger and hold it under the light while wearing my glasses. At the ER, it galled me, but I had to say zero when they asked my pain level. Still, I managed to milk my injury for all it was worth, so I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Well, I do, but not for the reason you think.

My friend and her husband swore they’d never have a dog again. The next day, he brought home a black and white stray from the junk yard. They named her Lady. Unfortunately, the Lady was a Tramp: anemic, emaciated, flea ridden, and pregnant. My friend wrote a blog about the whole incident and called it “The $500.00 free dog.” I told her to give it time, the dog could make it to $1,000. I was wrong. They’re closing in on $2,000 by now.

Check out Susan's new release!

Now, my friend is a semi-well known writer­­–okay, she’s quite well-known, but this is my story and I’m demoting her—and she has many readers who follow her blog.  She had forty-two comments when I quit looking. Not twenty-one with twenty-one replies. No. Forty-two separate people who said how sad about her dog, and wasn’t the new one sweet and hope you husband is feeling better.

Guess how many asked about her poor, injured neighbor?  Not one. Zero, zilch. Not even, “It’s a shame she bled all over your nice clean kitchen.”

Next time I go over, I’m not taking my own tea.  She can just feel bad when she has nothing to offer me.

Follow Susan at

The Secrets on Forest Bend Available from, Amazon, Barnes & Noble.

24 Responses to MuseTracks Guest – Susan Muller – Payback is a Dog Named Lady

  1. Sarah Andre says:

    AW! Poor Susan!
    Your very belated Get Well Card is on it’s way.


  2. Tess says:

    Poor you, Susan!!!


  3. christie says:

    Okay…you gotta love this!!! Thank you Susan for being my test subject. LOL.



  4. Thank you, Sarah. balloons and streamers would be nice, too.

    Thanks Tessy. I know how torn up you are.

    Christie, I never named names. My lips are sealed. At least until the lawsuit hits the courts.


  5. Suzan Harden says:

    I was wondering what those cinnamon-colored splatters on the kitchen wall were. But considering who’s kitchen it was, I was afraid to ask.

    Susan, I’m just happy you’re okay, and that it was only a two-stitch chomp, not a missing-limb chomp. That dog was freakin’ huge!


    • jbrayweber says:

      >>>cinnamon-colored splatters<<<
      Ewww…suppose it's an appropriate description coming from an author who writes about zombies.


  6. Susan Muller says:

    Suzan, it was three stitches, not two. But who’s counting, LOL And yes, that dog was huge. I tried to bleed in the sink, but it’s hard to direct the spray.


  7. ravenraye says:

    OMG, this is so sad/hysterical… sadly hysterical… hysterically sad– wow they don’t even sound like words anymore. Susan, I really don’t feel bad for your neighbor and I’m glad you’re better.

    I really love your sense of humor. We should compare wounds sometime.



  8. ravenraye says:

    Drat! Now that I know it was Christie, I feel bad. I’m still glad it was only worth 3 stitches and not the whole finger.


  9. jannashay says:

    How sad for all of you, including the dog. Since nobody asked how you were doing, I’ll turn my sympathy more towards you.
    I read The Secrets on Forest Bend and loved it. I hope your finger is healed because I can hardly wait for your next book.


  10. Shauna Allen says:

    (That’s my sweet way of saying “Rolling on the floor laughing out loud with sympathy!)
    Love you lots, girl!


  11. Karen says:

    So glad you are feeling better now! You need that finger working so you can write more fabulous books!!!!!


  12. Susan Muller says:

    Hey, I got out of cooking and washing dishes for two weeks. I even pretended I couldn’t wrap Christmas presents. I was a happy camper. I just thought it was funny that forty-two people asked about the dog and not one asked about me. LOL


  13. ravenraye says:

    Yep, Jenn, I’m already a Christie groupie. I’d do just about anything for that woman.
    @Susan–2 weeks! Is that all? We’re going to need to talk.



  14. jdfaver says:

    Oh, Susan! Maybe you should have your digits insured since you’re a famous author now.


  15. Jody Payne says:

    He obviously hit an artery or vein or something for it to gush like that. Ouch! After three stitches, it’s hard to imagine things could have been worse, but they really could have.

    If Lady is the Border Collie she looks like in the picture, she’s a sweetheart and it’s probably safe to visit your neighbor again. However, just to be on the safe side, maybe keep a nice dog biscuit in your hand instead of a teabag.


  16. Jan Nash says:

    This one needs to be published! Why is it that life’s hysterical moments usually involve pain! Thank goodness for the happy ending!


  17. The smallest thing can be a great adventure, can’t it?!?! Glad you’re okay, Susan!


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